BREAKING: Protestors Across America Skip Work, Yell About Oppression With $7 Coffees in Hand

Somewhere With WiFi and Zero Jobs Filled — On Saturday, April 19, 2025, the 50501 Movement orchestrated what they’re calling a “Day of Action,” with protests erupting in hundreds of cities. But while they were busy chanting, waving signs, and posting selfies captioned “#resist,” one question lingered in the minds of working Americans:

Do these people have jobs?

Participants rallied against President Donald Trump’s administration, criticizing everything from immigration enforcement to government downsizing—ironically, the very policies keeping their avocado toast from being taxed at 70%.

The Office of the White House responded in a now-deleted MyGov post that read:
“If you have time to scream in the streets, you have time to clock in. Let’s get America back to work.”

Observers across the nation couldn’t help but notice the… comfort of the crowd. Designer hoodies. Protest-themed nail art. Signs printed at Kinko’s with fonts crisper than government budget reports. One reporter noted that “most protestors seemed angry at capitalism while wearing it head to toe.”

In New York, a group of activists blocked traffic while livestreaming their protest from phones worth more than a small nation’s GDP. “This is what democracy looks like!” one yelled—minutes before ordering oat milk lattes on the Starbucks app.

Meanwhile, small business owners across the country quietly wondered where their employees were. “Half my staff called out,” said one diner manager in Des Moines. “But somehow they were all on TV screaming about labor rights.”

The 50501 Movement claims their protests highlight “deep divisions in the country.” Critics argue it highlights something else: a national shortage of alarm clocks and work ethic.