They/Them/the IRS: Biden’s New Gender-Neutral Tax Code Targets Traditional Families

It’s tax season in America, and while you were busy trying to find your W-2, the IRS was busy finding new ways to erase your identity.

Thanks to Executive Order 14088-C, quietly signed by President Biden and proudly co-sponsored by Rep. AOC and a coalition of Portland-based improv troupes, the IRS has officially rolled out a “gender-neutral tax framework” designed to bring “equity” to the filing process.

The problem? It’s also a direct assault on the traditional family.

Goodbye Husband and Wife, Hello “Cohabitants A & B”

Under the new code, familiar terms like husband, wife, mother, and father are deemed “exclusionary.” Instead, taxpayers must now select from a progressive list of filing roles:

• Earner 1 / Earner 2

• Primary Emotional Laborer

• Gestational Parent

• Domestic Co-Resident (Tax Dependent Eligible)

A leaked IRS training slide titled “Decolonizing the 1040” shows side-by-side examples of the new filing system, complete with cartoon sloths replacing the traditional eagle logo.

Refunds Delayed Until Pronouns Submitted

Adding insult to insolvency, taxpayers must now include their preferred pronouns to access full refunds. Filers who leave the field blank are automatically placed in “Audit Group Q,” a special category monitored for “reactionary language patterns.”

One suburban father in Nebraska told Leak Social he was flagged for saying "I'm the dad." His refund is now held pending a review by the newly formed IRS Office of Gender Sensitivity & Reconciliation.

Kids? What Kids?

In a bizarre twist, the Child Tax Credit has been renamed the “Youth Impact Redistribution Initiative”, which redirects up to 40% of the benefit to "non-parental caregivers contributing artistic value to the local community."

Translation: Your kid’s soccer cleats just bought a drag juggling workshop in Berkeley.

Biden’s Silent Approval

Though the White House has remained quiet, a hot mic caught Biden mumbling, “It’s about time the tax code had feelings.” Press Secretary Dylan/Rowan/Skye declined to comment but offered a six-minute interpretive dance during the briefing.

Final Deduction

They said it was about fairness. They said it was about progress. But if you ask us?
It’s just another way to take your money and your identity—at the same time.

Because in Biden’s America, even your tax return has pronouns.